confessions of a poser

As I showered this morning, I started to think about my body. Hard not to, in the shower. Thanks largely (no pun intended) to my heritage, my body is the baneful shape of a pear -- or a weeble-wobble. And, as the mother of four, my children have given me, along with many joys, five pounds each that are impossible to lose. I tried, this summer. In a show of rare self-discipline I awoke every morning this summer at 7 a.m. to walk -- sometimes briskly -- for three miles. Along with healthful eating (only a small bowl of ice cream at 11 p.m.) I was able to lose 15 pounds...It was all from my chest!! And what is most amazing about that is that I am sure I didn't have 15 pounds in that region to lose.

So, this morning, I was realizing how deceptive I am, or try to be. Why am I not content with the body God has given me? Instead, I try to alter or conceal every inch of it. I paint my toenails. I shave my legs, under arms and, on the rare occasion that I am convinced to venture into large bodies of water, other areas. I use magical lotions that turn my milk white legs into bronzed, shimmering appendages. I love nylons because they can make me look 10 pounds slimmer instantly and, when I don't wear nylons, I wear a girdle with my skirts. I have been accused of false advertising in reference to my heavily padded bras. I color my hair, wear 10 minutes of makeup and use a lip gloss that plumps my lips. And I secretly wish for a boob job. But rest assured that my nose is my own -- I have never altered my nose.